Choosing a pillow is a simple skill many people don’t possess. It feels like a guessing game, so it often gets overlooked, yet it’s one of the leading causes of bad posture and chronic neck and back pain, something sleep doctors confirm more often than most people realize.
I didn’t know how to choose one either. Some nights, I’d grab whatever clothes were lying around, fold them over and over, and stack them into a soft, messy pile just to rest my head on, with no idea of the damage I was quietly doing to my neck and spine.
It wasn’t until I actually sat down and did the research that I learned how to choose one properly, and that’s really why I can write this and walk you through it too.
If you’ve ever felt lost trying to pick the right pillow or you’ve treated it like a guessing game, you’re not alone. Think of this article as your quiet roadmap; by the end, you’ll know exactly how to choose a pillow that truly supports you.
How To Choose The Right Pillow For Yourself
Choosing a pillow feels like a guessing game, so most people skip it, yet it’s one of the leading causes of neck and back pain you might not even trace back to your pillow.
I used to fold up random clothes and stack them under my head just to sleep, with no idea what it was doing to me, until I actually did the research.
From a direct user perspective, these are the three things you must know when choosing a pillow:
- Know how you sleep,
- Do the two-finger test (I will explain what this means),
- Consider The Firmness,
- Consider The Pillow Size.
Now, let me explain what each step means.
1. Know How You Sleep
This is the biggest thing, and if you get it right, everything else follows. Are you a back sleeper? Go for the Queen product, often referred to as medium size/height.
Are you a side sleeper? Then you need a taller, firmer pillow. It has to fill the gap between your ear and shoulder, or your spine tilts all night. That’s why we have the King size in The Village Homestead Buckwheat pillows collection.
If you are not a side or back sleeper, then go for the firm and soft pillow. A thick pillow will twist your neck sideways for hours.
2. Do the two-finger test
Not sure if your pillow is still doing its job? There’s an easy way to check, and it takes ten seconds.
Lie down. Slide two fingers between your neck and the pillow. If they fit snugly- no gap, no squeeze- that’s your height. Two fingers is the gap you’re checking for. Two years is about how long a regular pillow lasts before it stops supporting you properly.
Buckwheat is the exception here; it can hold up for closer to 10 years since the hulls don’t flatten or lose shape the way foam or feather does.
3. Consider The Firmness
The next thing I’d look at is how firm the pillow is. You want something that gives your head and neck enough support without feeling too hard or uncomfortable. A good pillow should hold its shape while still having enough softness to let you settle in comfortably.
A pillow that’s too soft won’t hold your head up, and one that’s too firm pushes back too hard against your neck. Buckwheat hulls naturally sit somewhere in between, firm enough to hold your neck in place, but with enough give that it doesn’t feel like sleeping on a brick.
That’s part of why people moving from very soft or very firm pillows notice the difference right away with a buckwheat pillow.
4. Consider the Pillow Size
Beyond height and firmness, think about how much space the pillow itself takes up on your bed. A pillow that’s too wide can crowd a smaller bed frame or feel out of proportion with your other pillows. Also, the one that’s too narrow can leave your shoulders unsupported.
Check the buckwheat pillow sizes available, so you pick one that fits your bed and your build, not just your sleep position.
FAQs
There’s no single best pillow; it depends on how you sleep. Side sleepers need something firmer and taller. Back and stomach sleepers need it flatter and softer.
Start with your sleep position, do the two-finger test, then give it a week. If your neck still feels stiff or sore in the morning, it’s not the right one.
Usually plush, high-loft down or down-alternative pillows, often two, so guests can add or remove one to adjust the height themselves.
Final thoughts
Back sleeper: go medium-loft with a little curve. Side sleeper: firm and tall. Stomach sleeper: thin and soft, or none at all. Dealing with neck or shoulder pain? A soft, natural fill like buckwheat hulls molds to you instead of you having to adjust to it.
None of this needs to be complicated or expensive to get right. It just needs a few minutes of paying attention to how you actually sleep.
That’s really it: know how you sleep, check the height with two fingers, pick a fill you like, and make sure it’s made well. Do that, and your mornings will feel a whole lot better. Want to go deeper?
WebMD breaks down pillow shapes for neck pain, and Healthline covers sleeping positions and pillow height in more detail.
